First day proper of my holiday.

With most of my friend either graduated and working or doing their FYP and waiting for IA to start or still doing their IA, i am stuck at home to do whatever i can find for myself. -.-" Like a typical guy, i defaulted to playing DotA. Haha...

I recovered some data from my ext hdd. Haiz. Its quite crap. I do not have enough space on my laptop to contain everything. Nor do my brother's ext hdd. So, i'm stuck with choosing only a few files which i think is more impt to copy onto my laptop. My laptop is almost full now..

One priority on my list: Final IA report.

I think i can finish this in about a day or 2. Since i have lots of report to write about with all the findings that i have. This includes lots of pictures too which can easily cover up to 20 pages. *procrastinate* Someone has to poke me to do it... Haha...

Life after IA seems a little empty now. Maybe its the getting used to having to wake up to go to work everyday that is causing this feeling. Its actually the same as when Engin Camp ended and all of the sudden, i have no more things to do. But! I guess i should enjoy this as this is something i have been waiting for.

4th sign class is on tml night and i can finally get to go back to my tuesday class as i have been doing makeup classes on sundays due to my reservist. Classes haven been exciting actually maybe cause i were for makeup and din know a single person there. Hmmm... Test will be on the 5th class and that means tml will be the last lesson! I have to practise again.

I watched Grey's s6 season finale again today. Super sad. So many characters killed. Haiz... Its like a bit of poker or heroine fix... I need my fix bad. T.T

Maybe i'll become more and more emo like Queen. Den i'll write another Bohemian Rhapsody.

Freedom finally!


1: ICT

My 2 weeks high key ICT has come to an official close as i booked out yesterday from Khatib Camp. Out-Pro rocks la!

Many things that i have been disappointed and angry with are all now things of the past and i always believe that things will be better the next time. I hope! =D

The most dreaded 3 days 2 nights outfield was the worse of my life as i am really not used to outfield already. Moreover, we cannot bath! Gosh i hate that feeling. Don't get me wrong though!, i din't sleep with my all dirty and sweaty uniform. I brought fresh uniforms out for every night so that i can sleep comfortably. =) I brought a towel out too so i could sort of dry wash myself with all the water in the jerry cans. Of cos, i did all of that, washing and den powdering with my johnsons baby powder and finally fresh clothes! I'm all ready to sleep!

The worse thing in outfield was the rain. It not only makes everything more muddy and wet, it causes our stores especially the camo net to be heavier! The camo net can have is weight twiced when its wet. Anyway, my gun was the fastest at every deployment and so far it has been the most consistant in timing. I don't deny that our timing is not fast too, but i expected worse. All in all, i'm real satisfied with my men's performance. As a commander, i was hardworking too!

My men were amazing. They brought a portable gas stove outfield and gosh, food was good. I think we din't have any lack of food! I did my part bringing snacks and sweets too as they din't tell me about the whole cooking thing. These are actually the little things in life that makes the quality of life in outfield a little bit better. The presence of canned chilli tuna when you had real bad rationed food make me happier a bit. I had sweets and so life wasn't as bad as just waiting for my uniform to dry up from perspiration. I enjoyed walking the extra mile actually.. That is.. To collect ration with my men and fruits too. I went to the OP to bring food to my friend. I collected the driver's ration. These are little things which i din do in my active times. I guess i think these are more significant now to me as rank doesn't matter anymore and its respect that counts.

Fellowship with the specs has been real great. I know deep down myself that some of us just wants to slack and thus try to get some status of something. But.. I want to believe in them actually and i believe that if i asked for their help, they will irregardless of their status. At least, they din stay around and do nothing.

This ICT has been so much more enjoyable cause of all these buddies. These are people like Xuanming and Edwin especially where we really had our heart to heart talks. Ruixiang who kept talking about games but is nonetheless enjoyable. I'm real happy that Xuanming passed his IPPT on thurs! The Alpha specs took turns to pace him and it was really some sort of unity that should be cherished by everyone. I paced for 2 rounds with David, Ivan and Benny taking one round each too. The last round was David and me cheering Xuanming on by his side. At the end of the day, he treated us drinks! Woots!


2: Engin Night Cycling

I was damn tired after booking out. Went to meet Hong to go for night cycling anyways. Wendy and Kinloong joined us shortly after and we so "shunbianly" became the last detail to cover last man duty. Nevertheless, we went away from the main body to cycle on our own as it was faster and there was less stoppages. Halfway through the cycling, i became too tired and started to just listen... Haiz... I gave thoughts to many things and many feelings i get. FYP is still a worry. Nevertheless, i was too tired.


My church duty schedule for july till sept is out already. Guess i'm finally starting to serve more. =)

My 4th sign class is on next tues... After that is test again. Hmmm...

Emo songs for emo ICT wth edwin. "For Good" and "Defying Gravity" from Wicked. "Bohemian Rhapsody" from Queen and "Faithfully" from Journey. Favourite songs for the week. And they are ringing constantly in my head.

Ti ji pa de tai gao, xiang tiao guo yan qian ling yi ge ti ji, shi yi jian fei chang kun nan de yi jian shi qing. Yi tiao jiu ke neng xian ru wan jie bu fu the shen yuan li. Hai shi shen me dou bu xiang bi jiao hao. =)

Its a time where i have to decide whether i want to take my sign class make up today or on thurs. The things is, i'm going to have my Bn exercise from tml till wed and i want to slack as much as i can today. But, if i take on thurs, it means i'll have to miss out on the Bn cohesion with my friends in Yishun Safra. If the cohesion is in camp, i would have taken the night off on thurs for sign.. But its out and i just want to spend some time with my buddies. Haha..

Hmmm.. I think i just go today and leave early after learning all the vocab. =) And yay! Having lessons on sundays makes me miss church. Crap.

Things to buy back into camp... Let me see:

1. Snake powder
2. Sweets - Lotsa

I think thats all... Haa.

Woke up a real tired man today. I have no idea why i am so tired but i guess its the acumulated fatigue from my ICT ba. I realised too that this ICT is quite a gyming session due to the weight of the stores and they are certainly not like. I think i might get a leaner body after the whole thing finishes. haha! This might be a pro out of the many cons. =D

Being a man and serving the country...

I guess its the civilian life that i had come to be so used to that i am totally sian diao when i came to this ICT. The major factor was the 3D2N exercise which will be coming this coming monday. Maybe its cause i think i am totally unprepared for this scale of exercise since i have been out of practise for so long.

The first battery exercise was ok as i know i'll be going back to camp in the afternoon. The mental fatigue wasn't that much from the start. However, i came to be up to speed finally after a few practise before the men came in. Deployment was quite ok as action fronting the gun was quite effortless actually. The effortful thing was the upping of camo net. I was rather pleased with my detachment actually because we did our camo net properly and nicely. Actually, i felt damn proud as i was the sergeant who taught them single handedly how to up the camo net. Since everyone was in reservist mood, i din expect that we'll up the net pretty fast. Of course we can't compete with the timings we set in active times but as our 2nd ICT, i guess its rather good. I am proud to say that my objectives are actually met effortlessly on my part.

I do not like my Det Comd's (fellow 3rd sergeant) way of handling the men. When we were active, it is true that we can use our rank to push men to do things for us. They can't do anything to us. However, i still believe strongly that we should lead by example and earn their respect. Things that should be done are to be done willingly on the men's part. After all, we are reservist already and they can really just don't care about us. I am rather unsatisfied with my Det Comd's way of doing things and i am just too lazy to do anything about it on thursday's deployment. In fact, i admit that i was a bit bad of this week of ICT as i really just let my Det Comd try to control my detachment. I knew he couldn't but i just want him to suffer a bit and wake up his idea.

My men are really nice people. They do complain a lot. When i say a lot, its really loads that i have learnt to filter them out when they start yapping. Makin things worse is that my Det Comd joins in with them, not complaining but i thought that he's really childish with the men. I can't stand it. Anyway, i am guilty. I din't help out when he had problem controling the men. I just want him to know that his methods are wrong and yet, after so long, he is still like that.

I became smug actually as i learnt that i can still motivate my men to work for me and yet my Det Comd can't. The most impt thing here is NOT ORDERING people to do work BUT MOTIVATING them to achieve the goal. Things are as simple as asking them to collect ration. I guess, leading by example is really impt as men really do have a choice between doing and not doing work that are tasked in reservist now. I did not adopt a joking attitude when it boils down to work and my face is always straight to maintain the seriousness in what we are going to do. This, in a way sets the tone and they will become serious too as they know that you are serious too. I am really easily satisfied actually.

3 instances where i know that my men are still willing to work for me.

1: The loading of stores. They all did what was told and they really ain't much different from during active time. In fact, they did things fast too. I guess, they too have the mentality that if we do things fast, we can rest earlier. =)

2: Cleaning of stores when we came back from exercise. My Det Comd said he din't want to come down to wash the gun. So i'm left with the men. I'm surprised zongyang din want to slack to wash gun with me and volunteered to wash stores instead. Maybe i'm too easily satisfied.

3. All of them responded when i called them to put on gun cover.Maybe its cause they know that we are going back to camp and so they moved more. But i'm happy that when i called out to them, they responded. Zongyang was actually the one who came out first despite his many complains and i really appreciated it.

When John asked zongyang to slack in from of me, zongyang replied,"Sergeant yi jin ze yang shou liao, na li ke yi bully ta.." Haha.. I almost LOLed but he's a good men.

I don't care what others say actually. My men don't require you to beg them actually. Show some respect to them, ask them nicely and be serious. They will know what to do.

Hmmm... I very much want to slack but i know it can't be the case when we're starting our 3D2N exercise. To my men who won't be reading this anyway,

I promise i will do all in my power to lead you properly. I will lead by example and your welfare is always of my concern still.

Talk is cheap and we all know it. I shall be the first to collect ration with one of the men.

Ok.. Come to my complains... I really dun like myself sticky and all and knowing that i can't bath! I mean, if at the end of the day i know that i'm going back camp to bath, i'll be better but the 3D2N is gonna kill me. -.-" Argh!!!

Besides my fellow specs buddy, there is only 1 person who is keeping me "sane" as she would term it and thats you, Louelle. =) Though its 20cents an sms to you, i guess its worth it nevertheless... Its real nice to wake up to a sms from you. Miss you dearly. =D

Hmmm... The theme for this ICT shall be appreciation. Be grateful and not boastful.

Sigh...

This can possibly be one of the worse day ever in the year of 2010 for me.

A round of talk cock session leaves everyone knowing that i am single again. Catching up was real good and nice yest and we had really a lot to talk about yest when we had our nights out.

Today, i ran my guts out for IPPT... Yet again... I can only get a pass with all my statics stations on silver standard. I had an aching body after that which really took half of my life away. My head was throbbing.

It was after the rain after the IPPT when we went back to our bunk to wash up and slack. We continued with our usual topic of "how to date girls" and this suddenly sparked everyone's interest in getting to know my breakup story. So, i had to tell everyone a story which i myself din even know or understand what happened and for most of their qns, i only had an answer, "I don't know."

I must say again... I really do not know. Its a grey. I did my very best too and trust me, if i ain't good enough, i already know it. There's no need for you to put me down till its like my fault for everything that fails in the r/s. Some sort of friend you are. Thank you, you've reopened my wound and poured salt on it. You've spoilt my day.

I dun deny i'm at fault. But when i shared please give me a listening ear and not put on a judging attitude.

Anyway, i was down the whole of the afternoon. A total eclipse of the heart.

We had our commanders training this afternoon. There's this job call laying the gun which i forgotten how to do. I have been a 2IC for my whole NS life and i have totally forgotten how to lay cause it was the Det Comd's job to know and ensure. My job scope was a wide range of camoflaging, local defence, recce, stores and everything else except the laying of the gun. When i tried to learn properly, my Det Comd had to laugh at me saying i had forgotten everything. Ok... I took it as a joke and den i asked him again. WTF! He continued laughing and still not teaching me. I got so pissed that i blew up.

"Aye! I have been a 2IC since 20SA. If you are so good den you come do camoflaging. Lets see who is faster !"

I totally blew up and he stopped laughing. We are all fellow specialists. I'm saving your face for you, please dun take me for granted for i will bite back hard.

Being in ICT is sian enough. To share a really sad part of my life and get shot down, worse.

Its really the worse day of my year man.

Last week of IA, following which is ICT...



Hmm... Let me see... The new week has started and there's only one thing on my mind now... That is... ICT deferment. Yes everybody, i tried applying for deferment just yest night and i faxed my employer's letter and all to Mindef. So now, it is up to them to approve or not approve my application. Of course, i hope they will but i 'll just leave it to God ba... If He wants me to go for training, i will. =D



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Here, i will tell all of you a little story. The title of the story is,



One rich man and his 4 wives.



Once upon a time, in the times of the old, there was this rich man which had everything he had ever wanted and there can be nothing more that satisfy him more. Or so he thought... Besides having endless wealth, he had abundance of love too. He had 4 wives and to be exact, 1 wife and 3 mistresses.



Out of these 4 wives, there was this last and youngest wife who he loved the most. Out of all his gifts, he gave her the best of all, be it jewelleries or clothes. There was this third wife too, who he loved a lot. She recieved the second best of all the treatments the rich man gave to his wives and here we come to the second wife who he loved. She had enough to eat and had enough to live well. Lastly, we come to the first wife. He had never loved her. From first look, we can conclude that she was malnourished and didn't have enough to eat though his husband is very rich.



One day, this rich man found out that he had contracted an incurable illness. Feeling scared and alone, he panicked and decided to look for a partner to go together. As we humans do, we'll look for the person we loved the most.



He approached the youngest wife and asked,"My love... You are my greatest love. When i die, would you accompany me too?"



The youngest wife replied," NO! I would look for another rich man!"



Devastated, the rich man went to his third wife who he loved a lot. There, he asked the same question,



"My love, i have loved you a lot. When i die, would you accompany too?"



The third wife replied," No! I can still live with all that you have given me and i will promise to take care of your household!"



The rich man was at the lowest of his life when he knows that he was going to be abandoned by his third and last wives, he approached his second wife.



"My love, i have loved you. When i die, would you accompany me too?"



His second wife replied," My dear, i will bury you properly when you are dead. But i will not go with you."



These rejections were to much for the rich man to handle as he really loved his wives. He broke into tears and just as he sobbed, he heard someone from his back,



"My dear, i will follow you wherever you go." said his first wife.



At this moment, the rich man hammered his heart with such dismay and told the first wife,



"If only i had treated you better."



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In fact, all of us have 4 wives. The amount that we loved our wives are all the same as how thr rich man loved his wives. In each of our lives, the aspects that are represented by the wives are,



Last wife: Our body, well being and feeling good of it.



Third wife: Our CAP, Money, Car, Branded goods and all materials things that you want.



Second wife: Your friends and family.



First wife: Your spiritual life.



In the same order, we loved our bodily self the most. We clothed ourselves to make our body look the best. We cut our hair and make them look cool and everything. We wear accessories that makes ourselves look good and on top of that, we indulge our body in relaxations like massages or spas..



Next, We love our results, our CAP and all the material stuffs in this world. It is after how much we love ourselves.

After all that is mentioned before, we love our friends and family! Its all natural and there's nothing wrong with it.

The only thing wrong in this equation is that we do not love our spiritual life. No honour and no faith.

We always say that when we die, its ashes to ashes, dust to dust... Its like from the creation of man where we were crafted by Him from dust and soil. We have a body but am soulless. Its is when he breathed into us, the breath of life that gave us our soul and made us into the spiritual being that we are now!

The point is: Please be loving to your spiritual life as it is the only thing that you are going to bring to heaven with you! There is no wrong in loving the other wives but it is important to love you first wife! Only when you are rich in spirit can you be fruitful in your life and bring glory to Him.

Only when you are rich in spirit will you be living your life to the fullest.

Hmmm... This sermon was very meaningful to me. I took 5 days to write this post cause i procrastinated as i din know how to continue writing this. We're so consumed by this worldly desire that we have that we start to forget about the spiritual aspect of our life. Maybe its because the benefits aren't tangible that we think we do not need them but everyone should know that its not true.

A little faith will keep you walking because... you know that when you fall, He is there to carry you. =)

It is this time of the day where i begin to start reflecting on the day's events.


It serves sometimes as a form of self-reflection on my actions but its mostly some thought provoking things that pops into my mind.


Firstly, i must really say that Neil Patrick Harris is really the Coolest man now. He's an actor starring in How I Met Your Mother as Barney, he's himself a magician by profession too and finally, he sings! Oh gosh... Thats the ultimate when he sang in Glee. Legendary. I'm hooked onto Dream On which they casted in one of the episodes.


Only 1 thing i can say now... SUIT UP!



There are many areas in my life which i am not satisfied with. First up is my CAP. Sometimes, i am guessing that if i had worked hard during year 1 sem 2 and year 2 sem 1, i might have been in a better situation as compared to now. My CAP is in 3rd class now and i am totally not proud of it. I am working as hard as i can already. I really want at least a 2nd lower.



This semester is a semester of pure work. I have never clocked so much lab hours before and while i expected the work, i din't realise back then how much i would be doing in the company. I guess i really learnt a lot. It is not only that, i realise my colleagues are really nice people. Hmmm... The whole experience din't actually suck. Only when a certain someone opens his mouth and crosses the line between being funny to sarcastic. One good thing about this sem, i got B+ for HR2002. I studied hard in fear of betting a very chui grade as my CAP canno ttka eit anymore. It is especially when Mathew Linus din mention my name in the GOOD and ACCEPTABLE range for my mid terms. That only means that i am in the CHUI group. Haiz. However, all ends well too as my CAP increased by abit.

Dream on!

Haiz.. I have no idea how to fix the missing spacings in my post. Everything is in a huge chunk now which i myself hate.

Work:

I have been a good boy today. I was quite hardworking in the morning as i finished polishing 6 samples before lunch time. My hands were real tired. I'm not kidding. After that, Shimon suggested that i slack for the afternoon as he needs to use the indentation machine. Yes..... I am guilty of slacking in the afternoon. I tried to do some report editing which were asked to be done last week and i am done with it finally. So... I proceeded on to plan for mods that i might be taking for the rest of my 2 semesters. I am increasingly interested in my specialisation which is Biomaterials and Polymers. I read the description of 3 Biomat mods and they really interest me. I don't know if i'll still be interested when i see the workload or how chim they are, but well, its still worth a try.

Sign Class:

BS2 is starting soon. Presently, its a mixture of anticipation yet with a tinge of disappointment. Yes i am still very interested and really want to be able to sign properly in a deaf conversation. However, Shimon and Janis won't be there anymore which means that i'm a lone ranger from now on. Lesson starts next week on the 8th of June. Oh well, its till before the semester starts and so i guess i can think about whether i want to continue during semester time.

Rants:

Oh man... ICT is directly after i end my IA. I have an end of IA presentation which is really ridiculous. I think the working world is really ridiculous. At least, its the IA environment that i am in that is ridiculous. There are many things that are so weirdly in place and it really makes people frustrated working in such a company. One simple thing which is appreciation is NEVER observed in our workplace. I have absolutely no idea how come the environment is like this. Maybe it is because the leaders are all non locals?

I am of course not only talking about what happens to Shimon and me. We're interns. The bottom of the Engineering food chain. It is thus understood if they only expect us to do work without showing appreciation. But what about those who are real engineers? What about those who are really experienced but yet they have to work under you cause they hold only a diploma? I'm saying this cause there was this appraisal which happened in the company last week. It concerns their pay rise and everything. Everyone went into his office with no hopes of being praise and came out with a really disappointed face. They all expect to go in to be shot at but i am guessing that they recieved more.

Sometimes, i really wonder hard. Why is it so hard for people to gain some EQ? For a man who has worked in the company for so long, about 5-7 years, how can you tell him that he is slowing down all the projects and say that he is slow in producing results when all that he had submitted are real quality work? I think the singaporeans at work are really much better people. I think the bosses think too much of themselves actually. I can tell you... They know NOTHING actually. Just look at the questions they ask interns like us and you know. Anyway... This is a major reminder to myself. Always show appreciation for the work done by your men.

Anyway... The office is in a state of extreme low morale and even Shimon and me don't feel like working anymore. The engineers don't feel appreciated and i bet that they'll leave the minute they get another job offer. So.... What's the use of being a big corporation when all your workers are unhappy?

Hmmm... Time to cool down. Dear God i just hope that you'll keep me as forgiving as i think i am. Maybe its cause i'm ending my IA with an ICT that i am getting so angsty. Haiz... Whole 2 weeks in green getting down and dirty.

Many things that are accomplished, many more which haven't been done. Time is diminishing.