Last 2 weeks of work... Followed by ICT.

I haven't been updating so much cause i have been playing Battle of Immortals. *Guilty*

I led DG this week and the lesson in which i taught on the whole was:

1: My Grace is sufficient for you.

2: Forgiveness of sins doesn't mean you do not have to pay the consequences of your wrongdoings.

This was all in Deuteronomy when Moses was denied the entrance to The Promised Land when he requested 3 times, but was assured that he will inherit The Promised Land through his people, the Israelites.

Paul was the one who grew much in faith and delighted in the comfort of the knowledge that God is always with him, even when he had a thorn in his flesh and that a messenger of Satan is there to torment him.

When i shared this lesson, i am reminded again and again, that it is cause i am so weak that He has proven himself to be so almighty. When we ask for courage, He doesn't give us courage, BUT gives us the chance to be courageous. When we ask to be good in public speaking, He gives us a chance to better out public speaking. This is never like other religions where you ask and expect things to just happen. It is all still according to His plan for you.

Here, i should take a chance to spread my Faith which i thought is the greatest gift which i recieved.

To my friends (I'm gonna preach a bit on what i believe in so i hope you will read on):

Wenhao, Eddi, Hong, Clar, Kinloong, George, Ben and all who are still unbelieving.....

I believe you all are free thinkers. By this i mean that you all believe that you are the controller of your destinies. This is especially Wenhao and Eddi. You all tell me that you dun believe mostly cause of your skeptism and mostly of what this world has done to you. This is also especially Eddi who i'm pretty sure will challenge me anytime when i try to preach.

Oh well. I know that you can all render me speechless with all your questions with so many examples that you can think of to show me that my God isn't real or at least to say, no one can trust fully in a God. However, i do understand your points. Its actually not that hard to understand all your points when i myself am a unbeliever before. As a first generation Christian, i guess, i experience both side of the story.

Life sucks sometimes. I do agree. You drop into a black hole when you thought you can reach the heavens as you climb, you studied so hard and yet you get a C+. These, i believe are situations we can all identify in our lives. All of you will ask me," If your God is so powerful, why did he let this happen to His people?", "Why don't he just make us all IMBA and take everyone into His faith just because He can?"

Answer is simple. Its is really just because He gives us the free will to choose. He owes us absolutely NO explaination as to why things never work out the way we prayed. After all, He is our Creator. And He has already planned out our lives even before we were bornt. I know i can be talking cock. But this is my Faith. The one thing that i hold dearly so that everytime i'm in trouble or i am at the lowest point of my life, i can tell myself that He is always there with me.

God doesn't make us IMBA not because he can't. In fact He can. He is almighty afterall. But let me ask you all and compare between 2 scenarios and decide which God is more glorious,

1: A God who makes powerful and rich and smart people more powerful and riches and smarter. (Literally)

or

2: A God who gives strength to the weak to live on with their hard lives, making the poor rich spiritually in their lives so they can be happy nevertheless and giving people wisdom as they come to make decisions that concerns what is right or wrong.

Of course we will all like God's strength to be literal in the sense of the first example. Being the smartest having Cap 5, being the Prime Minister? or even just being rich enough to never work for 10 generations. I believe He can make all this come true. But all this doesn't glory Him in His Kingdom as He's just using His power to make everything work.

What He is concerned with is our heart. Nothing delights Him more than a soul saved when we decide at that second to believe in Him. There is no doubt that many Christian families might be struggling. There is no doubt that many are in poverty and they are having a hard time with life. Yet, when we decide to believe in Him, we become contented in life actually. Its actually comforting when we know that there is a God who is always watching over us. This is of course not literal and you cannot touch and feel this God. That is why it is so FREAKING HARD to have the FAITH to BELIEVE. Trust me. There are really many times when things had gone wrong and i just complained hard to God. I threw my tantrum like a child but ultimately, i still believe that things will go well cause He is our Father. Just like a parent, He will never abandon His child as long as we turn to Him.

For a long time, i din't dare to talk to you all about my Faith cause i thought i wasn't strong and i was afraid that i might be shot down by all of you. But i realise, reaching out to you all down necessarily mean that i have to force you all to sit down just to listen to my preach. Maybe, when you read my blog, i can tell you a bit more and then you will finally understand why i believe in what i believe.

I tell you my friends. Believing in Him doesn't save you from the Devil. Evil is always around and i always believe and know that God will allow Satan to take over us when we are weak in Faith. It can be me or Louelle someday as i had mentioned that the flesh is weak to temptations. God allows all bad things to happen. God allows cancer to come to our parents. He allows dieases on your wives. He allows accidents to happen to your children. He allows. It doesn't mean He is a helpless God. It doesn't mean He don't care. It doesn't mean also that He is evil. He allows all these things to happen to we have a chance to grow deeper in Him in Faith. As long as we turn to Him, we will find strength to live on and the power to overcome all odds. These will then serve as events that foster more Faith.

Hmmm... I am guessing that each of us has one or two regret in our uni life. You can still believe that you hold your own destiny, but i'm just telling you my Faith. I'm definitely not brainwashed by my church. But this is my testimony for all of you.

Here is a text from a book mark i have.

Footprints

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along

the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from

his life. For each scene, he noticed

two sets of footprints in the sand:

one belonging to him, and the other to

the Lord. When the last scene of

his life flashed before him, he looked

back at the footprints on the sand.

He noticed that many times

along the path of his life there

was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at

the very lowest and saddest times

in his life. This really bothered him

and he questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once i decided

to follow You, You'd walk with me all

the way. But i have noticed that during

the most troublesome times in my life,

there is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when

i needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied," My son,

My precious child, I love you and

I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering,

when you see only one set of footprints,

it was then what i carried you."

-Author Unknown

Our God is a mystery. We can never fully understand Him. But all we need to know is this, though bad things happen to us, be assured He is with you. When you feel like you have no one to turn to, when you feel like you have no one but only yourself to count on, be assured that He is there if you pray. Put your trust in Him. After all, a little prayer won't hurt. If you believe enough, you might just feel comforted and things might just work out. But hear me, things will never go the way you want it, cause God has already a plan for you. He is in control.

Only in our weakness can His Power be made perfect.

His Grace is Always Sufficient for Me.

Ask most people what they want out of their life and the answer is simple...

To be happy.

Maybe its this expectation though,

the wanting to be happy,

that keeps us from ever getting there.

Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to states of bliss,

the more confused we get,

to the point where we don't even recognise ourselves

Instead we just keep smiling,

trying like hell to be the happy people in which we are,

until it eventually hits us...

Its been there all along.

Not in our dreams or hopes...

But in the known, the comfortable, the familiar...

For all of your information, this was from Grey's Anatomy and on the first hearing of this from Meredith Grey, i really thought this was true. One upon a time, we were the naive little kids we were and things were so much simple back then. A toy shopping spree would have made our day. For me, its just the annual stayover in my aunt's house over the Christmas season. I loved the Christmas party which they throw and we get to see relatives coming over and having real fun. For me, it was also a chance to get away from my parents who held me with a tight leash and there wasn't much fun in my childhood. Thus, i was quite a docile kid when young.

As age increase, we start to learn and influence of the world starts having an effect on us. There was an introduction of something called a crush. It is a new thing where we cannot explain ourselves and things can only go 2 ways back then, its only either the both of you become real good friends or you will just feel weird just standing around her cause you are too shy. Then again, things were still simple. You wanted to be her best friend or at least, her best male friend.

We evolved later and as we mature at our own pace, being best of friend might not be enough again. Some of us rush into r/s as we were at our start of maturation and things worked out in their own ways. Some may work out, many doesn't. We were still too young to comprehend what was love. We din't have the ability to love.

As we reach adulthood, this issue became a thing most of us are thinking about most of the time when we are alone and thinking of stuff. You start thinking of whether you might have a happy family. You start thinking of what you want to mimic in you family from your parent's and what you don't want to. But, there is only one thing missing from this equation.

Yes. The missing link is a partner. Somebody to love.

As we get on with our lives, people come and go and according to each of our taste, we fall inevitably in love with people gradually. It may be a crush from first sight, it may be a feeling that was nurtured from long exposure to that person. It can be a slow learning of a single individual and you gradually grow fond of him/her as time goes by. This is where your "fight" for happiness begin and you don on your best and do your best. Everyone wishes to nail it on the first attempt. The sad thing is, many of us will not.

This will bring us back to what i had on the top of this post. The goal in life is usually simple. We want to be happy. Happiness may differ from one another. But i believe, there is one ultimate goal in everyone's mind and that is to have somebody to love. We tend to start searching, hard and thorough but to find nothing in the end. Not at this moment maybe. We start to find that life kinda sucks as you see your attached friend looking lovey dovey. Don't get me wrong though. We do feel the happiness for them and are really happy for them. However, there is always a voice asking God," What about me?"

We may think that we have found that one special person who we may love, but it quickly reveal itself as an explosion and we as the individual stars we are become a blackhole as a supernova dies. It is usually not for forever, but it usually takes a while before we can be rebornt as a new star. This journey is never easy though. The journey to rebirth normally depends on your support group. They are the flame in your that sparks off the flame of the phoenix in you for your rebirth. This doesn't mean that you forget everything about what happened. It becomes a memory which maybe you can laugh about, or maybe it becomes a part which you just have to forget so that your life would be much easier.

We are always trying to look for happiness. The thing is, is happiness already here and that while we are busy looking for it, we missed it all totally. I have no idea. I guess its time to take the back seat for a while though.

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Personal rant

I have always thought that things will always work out when you try to love selflessly. When you just accomodate with her flaws and make your own compromises. You just keep to yourself her flaws as you know thats what she is and that she can really do nothing about them.

I try not to think about it too much nowadays. But you can't blame me if i do. =)

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Work

IA is coming to an end soon! My IA is ending on the 11th and i will have an presentation on the 10th. Haiz.. So wuliao to have presentation. But yup! 3 weeks time my IA will end and my ICT will start. its 2 weeks from the 14th to the 25th. I am totally sian-ed as i can't go to Engin Camp to look around. Haiz.

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This year started on a real bad note with the breakup still fresh up till now. I need to decide whether i want to do a specialisation soon. I guess it will be Biomaterials with Shimon. I'm not so much of looking forward to studying yet as it will mean the start of design project and FYP. I need my holidays right now. BUT i can't spend much cause i want to save up for grad trip. Haiz. Be a man and take it i guess.

I need to catch a break.

Results are coming out this week i think. One module: HR2002. I better do well. My cap isn't that high. Need to pull.

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If this post turns out to have no space and you have finish reading, its blogspot's fault.

A fantastic way to start a week...

My week started with a long weekend actually from the off in lieu of Labour Day last last week. Shimon and me decided that it was quite pointless to take the off on friday as we had always being feeling the "weekend" mood on friday, we decided to take the off on Monday where we would always had Monday Blues...

Monday - Squash + Badminton

My monday started when a very tired me woke up to meet Shimon for badminton. Don't get me wrong though! I wasn't complaining. Its just that i slept late the last night cause my laptop crashed and i was trying to fix it... Apparently it din't work. Nevertheless, i still got there in time to play Badz with Shimon. Bought 2 cocks from these pair there cause mine were quite chui. Its been a long time since i last played badminton and i am really RUSTY. Shimon was not bad though except that his backhand really sucked. Hahha... Its ok.. We can play more ba. And hopefully for the next time, we'll have Janis joining us too. =D

After badz, it was an hour of squash! The session started a while before i BROKE my string AGAIN! -.-" Ok.. Actually, from the bottom of my heart, i detested the string and so i wanted the string to break. I was quite happy till i remember something... Its something that rings.... I think it goes..... KACHING! Haiz... $25... Thats about my pay for 1 day. Anyway.. I really enjoyed that squash session though i was a bit tired from Badz. Its actually amazing as i thought i played pretty well and so is Chun kit... I liked his racquet. Haha.... Need to restring my racquet again.. We went to Bishan to get things and then to AMK for him to buy his Star Ocean game. Haha... Had our Pontian Noodles at the food court and i had my green apple greentea! Was damn thirsty then... Den i had to rush him to post stuffs...

Tuesday - Sign Class

Ok its late and i want to keep things short! BS1 is officially OVER! Class test result is 99%! Woohoo! I wanted to get 100% though... But i forgot the alternative sign for NOT. Sianz... The tester had to used that and not the one i use frequently. Oh well... I'm moving forward to BS2 too and it'll be still on Tuesday. Today is the day where i will lose my traveling buddy to sign class too as Shimon had finished his AS2 class. I'll be alone. Sadded. Haiz....

Hmmm... Haven't been emo for quite long. I shall let my feelings flow a bit. I do still miss her. Its no doubt. I can't help but keep feeling that its a pity.

Hope tml will be better. That goes to you too my friend in arms. ;P

Basic Sign 1 would be over soon!

It feels so long ago when i just started taking DCCL to start learning sign language. I had already taken the test today i know that i am going to pass. Its a shame i can't get full marks but oh well, i still pass! =D

The next session of BS2 will be from 8th june to 13th july.... I'll have my reservist in between that period. Hmmm.... I guess.. I will still take it ba... Hahaha... BS2!

Monday bluez thoughts~

Work was ok actually today althought Shimon and i had very much to do and the way we do things are always revolutionalised as we had to better our performance from the previous reports. Thus, we were always on the side job of thinking of improvements that we can work with so we get results that are much precise and accurate. This was ok. This bugger german came to bug me again with his "important" job again.

The last polishing i did had the coating detached from the copper wire. As soon as i used 0.25microns paste to polish the sample again, the detachment was gone and the whole wire looks good again! I dun understand why he has to keep thinking about that detachment saying that it might be a adhesion problem of the coating on the copper wire. He wants me to reproduce that detachment again. WHAT THE HELL right? I mean, its a really one off occurence that the polishing separated the coating from the copper. How can i reproduce that? I only process informations on wanting me to better my skills, but to produce lousy polishing? Seriously.. I don't understand why he wants to focus on such things so much as i really can't reproduce that bad polishing.

Anyway. I just did the polishing again and concluded that its really just due to my past poor polishing. I'm just gonna tell him that. I have like tonnes of indentations to do.

The day ended quite well actually. I had my fix of green apple green tea cos i had Koi's honey milktea yest. A sardine puff and there i was at the mini garden just in front of my apartment. At the fitness corner, i see this old and white haired "grandpa"(as i reckon) carrying his grandson/daughter looking around. I think the kid was like 3-4 and i din't go close enough to see whether its a boy or girl. The grandpa is just pointing to where the kid the pointing and maybe trying to make up his grandchild's gibberish speech. This was a really heartwarming scene to me as it reminded me of the times where my dad would just carry my baby cousin sister on the corridor just doing the same thing. Its surprising that my baby cousin would just run out of the house to look for my dad who's sitting in the corridor as my dad din't come across as a very child loving person. Its quite nice to see the side of him where he really dotes on this little girl who came to stay with us for a year. I guess... She's the reason why he quited smoking too. Cos he had to carry her. Haha..

This came to remind me about a lesson which is Love. Many love the person for the possession of that person. Its like loving her cause they're your bf/gf. Anyway... I experience this love the most when my baby cousin was here. I mean, the feeling was the purest as in you know there's never gonna be a r/s that you can wish to build on like a BGR. This is something like pure doting. Its like seeing her as the one thing who can cheer me up regardless of situations. The one thing you will give almost everything to. The one person you will want to have her happy like bird yet not expect anything in return. Hmm... I guess its because she's so little and cute that you just can't resist but to love her even when she has nothing to give. When she cries or throws a temper, you can't even bring yourself to be angry with her cause she's just that important that you would just let her have her way if its alright.

I guess.. To us... Its the same... We are all like little children of God who always defies Him. We talk back at Him, we question Him, we even do things that we know would displease Him and at the same time, complain to Him asking why did everything happen to us and if He really loved us.

Like me to my little cousin, i guess the feelings are the same like God to me. To us, all we expect from the love of our lives is just a hug or a kiss and really, thats all that matters. The feeling of her clinging on me so she can go to sleep on the first day tells me that i am really the person she trust. For the whole night, i couldn't go to sleep cause the moment i put her down, she wakes up and clings even tighter. It was tiring... But i had to let her sleep.

I guess its the same for Him. He gives us everything that we have. All he hopes from us is for us to believe in Him just as when my baby cousin held on me when she goes to sleep. Our limited love earns us so much trust and believe in a child, why can't His limitless love earn all our trust and faith?

My day was made with this one sight. I guess i'm real fond of kids. I'm not sure if i can handle older children but i guess its how we raise them when they are young so they can't grow up to be a menace themselves.

So... Love your neighbour as yourselves... Loving means loving like how you would to your children, the neverending, giving kind of love and never expecting anything in return. I guess only God is capable of this. But i guess, expecting a hug and a kiss from your loved ones is ok too. =P

Argh... Kids are my soft spot....

Pray for something... And He will give you the opportunity...

I learnt a lot today in church. Maybe it is cause i led today in DG and i was exceptionally attentive during sermon cause i was sitting in the first row as i had started serving as a befriender today in service.

Dg today was on the preamble on the book of Deuteronomy.... It spans only from verse 1 to verse 5.... Gist of the verses was that Moses, after leading the Israelites for 40 years finally reached the Jordan River which when they cross over, they'll reach their promised land. There, he delivered his last sermon before they go into their promise land and he began expounding further on the original 10 commandments given to the Israelites on Mount Sinai. This was because its a new generation whose recieving this laws and that times are different as they are going to settle in the Promised Land instead of being nomads. The 40 years in the desert instead of the 11 days route was to remind the newer generations that they should always have faith and believe in God and not rebel like their ancestors... God will let them reach the promised land... Its only a matter of when...

Sermon today was quite a lot for me. Ok... Like human nature, we really pick and choose what we recieve and hear. Same here.. Hahaha... Though i do remember what Ver's dad said, i'll just pick up a few lessons that really struck me. Ok... Glorifying God! In short, its really not what we do on the outside but what people sees in us! When we say that we want to glorify Him, it is not our deeds that tells people that Christians are good and thus their God is good. Its not like a mathematical induction here. Its what people see in us. People must see God in us and only when that happens, God is glorified. Its a bit confusing now but ya.... Its not our deeds but what we are that glorifies Him.

Secondly is the lesson on Judas Ischariot... Satan did go into him and make him betray Jesus. This is not really true that its not his own will that he betrayed Jesus... On normal days, he pilfered from the money bag which he was a custodian of and this was his day to day decision to turn his back on Jesus. Satan can only prompt us into doing his will and its still our decision whether to do them or not. He can't enter us unless the door is open. This applies in the same way to us too! We make daily decisions and they may have been prompted by the evil one. Each decision , good or bad can lead us more into His arms or away from His kingdom off the cliff into eternal death. So beware everyone!

Ok... I'm starting to get lazy on typing le. Anyway... Leading DG and serving as a befriender is never in my expectation. Guess when i expressed a will to maybe serve, doors do open in miraculous ways. I guess, Mr Ong was right. I prayed for comfort and confidence. He did not give them to me. He gave me the chance to be comfortable and confident in serving. I guess.. I will give thanks nevertheless for He has made me more comfortable and confident. =D